In honor of Jaida, whose hed is pastede on:

In the vaile of restles mynd
  I sowght in mownteyn & in mede,
trustyng a treulofe for to fynd:
  vpon an hyll than toke I hede;
  a voise I herd (and nere I yede)
    in gret dolour complaynyng tho,
  ‘see, dere soule, my sydes blede

    Quia amore langueo.’
 
Vpon thys mownt I fand a tree;
  vndir thys tree a man sittyng;     
from hede to fote wowndyd was he,
  hys hert blode I saw bledyng;
  A semely man to be a kyng,
    A graciose face to loke vnto.
  I askyd hym how he had paynyng,    
    he said, ‘Quia amore langueo.’
 
I am treulove that fals was neuer;
  my sistur, mannys soule, I loued hyr thus;
By-cause I wold on no wyse disseuere,
  I left my kyngdome gloriouse;    
  I purueyd hyr a place full preciouse;
    she flytt, I folowyd, I luffed her soo
  that I suffred thes paynès piteuouse
    Quia amore langueo.
 
My faire love and my spousë bryght,   
  I saued hyr fro betyng, and she hath me bett;
I clothed hyr in grace and heuenly lyght,
  this blody surcote she hath on me sett;
  for langyng love I will not lett;
    swetë strokys be thes, loo;   
  I haf loued euer als I hett,
    Quia amore langueo.
 
I crownyd hyr with blysse and she me with thorne,
  I led hyr to chambre and she me to dye;
I browght hyr to worship and she me to skorne,   
  I dyd hyr reuerence and she me velanye.
  To love that loueth is no maistrye,
    hyr hate made neuer my love hyr foo;
  ask than no moo questions whye,
    but Quia amore langueo.  
 
Loke vnto myn handys, man!
  thes gloues were geuen me whan I hyr sowght;
they be nat white, but rede and wan,
  embrodred with blode my spouse them bowght;
  they wyll not of, I lefe them nowght,      
    I wowe hyr with them where euer she goo;
  thes handes full frendly for hyr fowght,
    Quia amore langueo.
 
Maruell not, man, thof I sitt styll,
  my love hath shod me wondyr strayte;    
she boklyd my fete as was hyr wyll
  with sharp nailes, well thow maist waite!
  in my love was neuer dissaite,
    for all my membres I haf opynd hyr to;
  my body I made hyr hertys baite,  
    Quia amore langueo.
 
In my syde I haf made hyr nest,
  loke, in me how wyde a wound is here!
this is hyr chambre, here shall she rest,
  that she and I may slepe in fere.      
  here may she wasshe, if any filth were;
    here is socour for all hyr woo;
  cum if she will, she shall haf chere,
    Quia amore langueo.
 
I will abide till she be redy,     
  I will to hyr send or she sey nay;
If she be rechelesse I will be gredi,
  If she be dawngerouse I will hyr pray.
  If she do wepe, than byd I nay;
    myn armes ben spred to clypp hyr to;     
  crye onys, ‘I cum!’ now, soule, assaye!
    Quia amore langueo.
 
I sitt on an hille for to se farre,
  I loke to the vayle, my spouse I see;
now rynneth she awayward, now cummyth she narre,    
  yet fro myn eye syght she may nat be;
  sum waite ther pray, to make hyr flee,
    I rynne tofore to chastise hyr foo;
  recouer, my soule, agayne to me,
    Quia amore langueo.     
 
My swete spouse, will we goo play?
  apples ben rype in my gardine;
I shall clothe the in new array,
  thy mete shall be mylk, honye, & wyne,
  now, dere soule, latt us go dyne,     
    thy sustenance is in my skrypp, loo!
  tary not now, fayre spousë myne,
    Quia amore langueo.
 
Yf thow be fowle, I shall make thee clene,
  if thow be seke, I shall the hele;    
yf thow owght morne, I shall be-mene;
  spouse, why will thow nowght with me dele?
  thow fowndyst neuer love so lele;
    what wilt thow, sowle, that I shall do?
  I may of vnkyndnes the appele,    
    Quia amore langueo.
 
What shall I do now with my spouse?
  abyde I will hyre iantilnesse;
wold she loke onys owt of hyr howse
  of flesshely affeccions and vnclennesse;      
  hyr bed is made, hyr bolstar is in blysse,
    hyr chambre is chosen, suche ar no moo;
  loke owt at the wyndows of kyndnesse,
    Quia amore langueo.
 
Long and love thow neuer so hygh,   
yit is my love more than thyn may be;
thow gladdyst, thow wepist, I sitt the bygh,
  yit myght thow, spouse, loke onys at me!
  spouse, shuld I alway fede the
    with childys mete? nay, love, nat so!   
  I pray the, love, with aduersite,
    Quia amore langueo.
 
My spouse is in chambre, hald zoure pease!
  make no noyse, but lat hyr slepe;
my babe shall sofre noo disease,
  I may not here my dere childe wepe,
  for with my pappe I shall hyr kepe;
    no wondyr thowgh I tend hyr to,
  thys hoole in my side had neuer ben so depe,
    but Quia amore langueo.   
 
Wax not wery, myn owne dere wyfe!
  what mede is aye to lyffe in comfort?
for in tribulacion, I ryn more ryfe
  ofter tymes than in disport;
  In welth, in woo, euer I support;    
    than, dere soule, go neuer me fro!
  thy mede is markyd, whan thow art mort,
    in blysse; Quia amore langueo.

Anon., 15th C.

From Chris, who reminded me what April means:

Holy Thursday

They're kindly here, to let us linger so late,
Long after the shutters are up.
A waiter glides from the kitchen with a plate
Of stew, or some thick soup,

And settles himself at the next table but one.
We know, you and I, that it's over,
That something or other has come between
Us, whatever we are, or were.

The waiter swabs his plate with bread
And drains what's left of his wine,
Then rearranges, one by one,
The knife, the fork, the spoon, the napkin,
The table itself, the chair he's simply borrowed,
And smiles, and bows to his own absence.

-- Paul Muldoon

Getting better acquainted with 2 a.m. after long absence.

Among notes for Econ:

But what then does it mean to venture? A venture is the precise correlative of an uncertainty; when the certainty is there the venture becomes impossible... If what I hope to gain by venturing is itself certain, I do not risk or venture, but make an exchange... No, if I am in truth resolved to venture, in truth resolved to strive for the attainment of the highest good, the uncertainty must be there, and I must have room to move, so to speak. But the largest space I can obtain, where there is room for the most vehement gesture of the passion that embraces the infinite, is uncertainty of knowledge with respect to eternal happiness, or the certain knowledge that the choice is in the finite sense a piece of madness: now there is room, now you can venture!

-- Kierkegaard pp. 380-382 Postscript

last year

more from last year

(the year before it is silent)

but the year before that I was painting.


Today at school I saw something that made me furious - and I actually did something about it, something involving red paint and a little civil resistance. :)

A letter I sent to the editor of the USF Oracle.

Dear Editors:

Is this what women are worth to USF? This morning outside Cooper Hall I passed a sandwichboard sign advertising early registration here at USF. The sign depicted, on one side, the silhouette of a woman, breasts prominently displayed, sitting at a desk; on the other side, the outline of a woman draped over a textbook. The caption above told students they could Get What They Want at USF. At first glance I thought it might be the work of a student organization or group, but the only logo on either side was that of the University of South Florida, and in small letters on the bottom, "Sex Sells Advertising." What a shame that a respected Research One institution must resort to using tits and ass to sell its product!

I remain completely outraged at this derogatory and exploitative depiction of women, apparently sanctioned by the administration of this university. The question I painted on the sign (which was later removed by persons unknown to me) is one I wish to ask the parties responsible, whomever they might be: Is this what women are worth to USF?

From the old site. So vehement. So cute.

Tone

1

Hoping my face shows the pleasure I felt, I'm
smiling languidly. Acting. To put your mind
at rest - how odd! At first we loved because
we startled one another


2

Not pleased to see the
rubber band, chapstick, tin-
foil, this pen, things
made for our use

But the bouquet you made
of doorknobs, long nails for
their stems    sometimes
brings happiness


3

Is it bourgeois to dwell on nuance? Or effeminate?
Or should we attend to it the way a careful animal
sniffs the wind?


4

Say the tone of an afternooon

Kindly but sad

"The ark of the ache of it"

12 doorsteps per block


5

In the suburbs butterflies
still spiral up the breeze
like a drawing of weightlessness.
To enter into this spirit!
But Mama's saying she's alright
"as far as breathing and all that"


6

When you're late I turn slavish, listen hard for
your footstep. Sound that represents the end of
lack


-- Rae Armantrout

The third graders are listening to Rhapsody in Blue this afternoon while they finish their math projects; every second window is open for butterflies and fat bumblebees. No work will be done this afternoon.

Chapter 5, In which I print out several copies to send with my letters of apology

cf. Scribblingwoman (via J):

Did I Miss Anything                                                         Question frequently asked by                                                         students after missing a class Nothing. When we realized you weren't here we sat with our hands folded on our desks in silence, for the full two hours         Everything. I gave an exam worth         40 per cent of the grade for this term         and assigned some reading due today         on which I'm about to hand out a quiz         worth 50 per cent Nothing. None of the content of this course has value or meaning Take as many days off as you like: any activities we undertake as a class I assure you will not matter either to you or me and are without purpose         Everything. A few minutes after we began last time         a shaft of light descended and an angel         or other heavenly being appeared         and revealed to us what each woman or man must do         to attain divine wisdom in this life and         the hereafter         This is the last time the class will meet         before we disperse to bring this good news to all people                 on earth Nothing. When you are not present how could something significant occur?         Everything. Contained in this classroom         is a microcosm of human existence         assembled for you to query and examine and ponder         This is not the only place such an opportunity has been                 gathered         but it was one place         And you weren't here -- Tom Wayman

Tom Wayman tells a good goddamn story
and doesn't fare badly on humbling line breaks - cf. Scribblingwoman (via J):

Did I Miss Anything                                                         Question frequently asked by                                                         students after missing a class Nothing. When we realized you weren't here we sat with our hands folded on our desks in silence, for the full two hours         Everything. I gave an exam worth         40 per cent of the grade for this term         and assigned some reading due today         on which I'm about to hand out a quiz         worth 50 per cent Nothing. None of the content of this course has value or meaning Take as many days off as you like: any activities we undertake as a class I assure you will not matter either to you or me and are without purpose         Everything. A few minutes after we began last time         a shaft of light descended and an angel         or other heavenly being appeared         and revealed to us what each woman or man must do         to attain divine wisdom in this life and         the hereafter         This is the last time the class will meet         before we disperse to bring this good news to all people                 on earth Nothing. When you are not present how could something significant occur?         Everything. Contained in this classroom         is a microcosm of human existence         assembled for you to query and examine and ponder         This is not the only place such an opportunity has been                 gathered         but it was one place         And you weren't here -- Tom Wayman

I decided to play football, to smoke, to go to college, to do all sorts of irrelevant things that had nothing to do with the real business of life, which, of course, was the proper mixture of description and dialogue in the short story.

-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, "Who's Who -- And Why"

taking a second

Day Six of Week 2 (13th day of the omer):
Yesod of Gevurah

For discipline to be effective it must be coupled with commitment and
bonding. Both in disciplining yourself and others there has to be a
sense that the discipline is important for developing a stronger bond. Not
that I discipline you, but that we are doing it together for our mutual
benefit.

Remember when bathtubs were for boats?

Kris Delmhorst at the Iron Horse in Northampton, MA 4.17.04


Packed house, twilight into warm spring night. A bald woman and her wild-haired toddler son gave me directions down Center Street, past the ice cream shop the psychic storefront the veggie co-op and the Masonic hall. I love this town.

"Spring song" (must find out what this was)
Hurricane
Come Home on the Train
Bobby Lee
Garden Rose
Weathervane
East of the Mountains
Anybody's Heaven
Patience (Mark Sandman cover from her album Redbird)
Yellow Brick Road
Damn Love Song
RedBird (trad. from same album)
Wasted Word
North Dakota
Moscow Song
The Scare-Fire (Robert Herrick to music - bluesy - GOOD)
Honeyed Out
Weatherman
Ain't No Grave (thanks Jess)

Next week: Erin McKeown

x

yes is a pleasant country:
if's wintry
(my lovely)
let's open the year

both is the very weather
(not either)
my treasure,
when violets appear

love is a deeper season
than reason;
my sweet one
(and april's where we're)

-- edward estlin