The countdown to Pi Day has (almost) begun!
Max did this and it is amazing.

war does not determine who is right; war determines who is left

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but if we are to be cheery,
then cheers! and yippee.
My birthday approaches.
batbatbat
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Every now and then I miss high school.

B: You look confused.
R: I lost my train of thought
...
B: I didn't even know you were thinking!
R: Neither did I.

Catching up

"
"Am I to understand that you think Israel could commit genocide on the Palestinian people?" asked one young educator, somewhat taken aback. "Yes," answered Bauer. "Just two days ago, extremist settlers passed out flyers to rid Arabs from this land. Ethnic cleansing results in mass killing." Bauer added that polls say a high percentage of Palestinians want to get rid of Jews.
                                                                               "

Apparently, it could happen here. Earthshaking. No-one has been talking about this for years...

This while in the bath pulling a Margot, adjusting taps with my toes. 15 or 35 and pathetic in the classical sense.

                     &stop

I want to be silent. Shave off my hair my eyebrows bleach my eyelashes clean my teeth strip my clothing cut my nails and toenails scrub my skin and breathe. In. stop.        out          stop
can’t even shut the fuck up. I write about silence what is WRONG with me?        still    and    floating in tub of water, white stop then translucent stop then gauze-as-skin, rent in places, showing edges. First time looking down and seeing too much, larger burgeoning thicker more there than I remembered. Here. Feeling too big for myself, too much. I can feel calories sitting taking residence, uneasy. Not the fat but the muchness that worries. Too many thoughts too much flesh too much blood too much. Not even banging at the door trying to get out, just      here. bloated with memory and halfthought.

Someone was looking for "words that mean verbose".

EAT FLAMING DEATH: From the Jargon Lexicon of the Hacker's
Dictionary:

eat flaming death: imp. A construction popularized among hackers by
the infamous CPU Wars comic; supposed to derive from a famously
turgid line in a WWII-era anti-Nazi propaganda comic that ran
"Eat flaming death, non-Aryan mongrels!" or something of the sort
(however, it is also reported that the Firesign Theater's
1975 album "In The Next World, You're On Your Own" included the
phrase "Eat flaming death, fascist media pigs"; this may have been
an influence). Used in humorously overblown expressions of
hostility. "Eat flaming death, EBCDIC users!"

From the Firesign Theater Lexicon, part 2 of 4.

Download this song and play it while driving.

Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed
And you crawl out of bed and you crawl out of bed
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed
And you look at the moon where the window is
And the stars shine, and the stars shine, and the stars shine
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

And way down below in the sun belt
And the telephones, and the telephone, and the telephones
And you look out the moon where the window is
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

And some of us breathe in the brown ground
Where the worms clown, where the worms clown, where the worms clown
Way down below in the sun belt
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

And every night when you lay down
You fall flat, you fall flat, you fall flat
Some of us breathe in the brown ground
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

So we're asleep in the same dream
In the snort fort, the snort fort, the snort fort
And every night when you lay down
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

Santa Claus modified snow peas
On the sun roofs, on the sun roofs, on the sun roofs
So we're asleep in the same dream
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

If you look in the mirror it's your father's face
And the thin grin, the thin grin, the thin grin
It's Santa Claus pulling up snow peas
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

And there's tears in the bank and the credit card
In the back yard, in the back yard, in the back yard
If you look in the mirror it's your father's face
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

And once in a while when the wind blows
And the heart winds, and the heart winds, and the heart winds
There's tears in the bank and a credit card
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

But there's lint in the pocket and a breath mint
Or a car key, or a car key, or a car key
Once in a while when the wind blows
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

And your kid has a face like a walnut
From the ice cream, from the ice cream, from the ice cream
But there's lint in the pocket and a breath mint
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

Jack Gets Up - Leo Kottke.

My response to the long-dead abortion thread is a deep withdrawn silence. None of what I had to say (and oh have I written it) means anything. Noise. My perspective defines – not even defines but IS – my opinion. We call one’s opinion her position – “where I’m coming from” – the language specifies that my position is what I think how I act who I am. The fact that I can’t seem to say anything about this is what I have to say about it. I am 21 years old. I have had two abortions. I first had sex (if I am to call it sex, clinically) when I was eight years old. Rape, incest, abuse. These things have to do with each other the way all impactful events in my life have to do with each other/are connected; I don’t know what the cause/effect relationships are. They’re there like everything else. There there dear. I do not feel as though I have killed babies. I have no religious guilt. I feel no pride for having ex(er)cised Roe v. Wade. I am not ashamed nor do I wish I had chosen other options. I wish I had never had to decide to end a pregnancy. I do not regret the physical and emotional pain I felt. I wish I had lived this far without being pregnant. I do not regret the sex responsible. I take responsibility for both instances. There is more to these experiences, more sorrow and anger and detail of procedures and conversations and subsequent effects on the people I love. These will come later. Now there is relief that safe, legal abortion was available to me as an option. Now there is sadness and regret that my first child will not be my first pregnancy. Now there are questions on the raging debates, some of which matter and some of which are noise. Why or perhaps how do proponents of only-in-cases-of-incest-rape-threat to mother’s life-legality base their definition of Legal Personhood and reproductive right on their strange parameters of detrimental-to-host? Should we base said personhood on the judgement of church or surgeon general? Philosophers, theologians, biologists, Congress, economists. There is so much networked on who/what is person and who/what I am when I am pregnant (it changes?), in body out of body. All I can do with it right now is to compile it and then to be quiet. It will be a while before I can speak.

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From notebook
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