I have this going through my head at the speed of light. It's a gorgeous cold morning, yippee!

De Anza Jig

Oh I can still remember
Jenny Hernando
She was my little lovely one
When I was seventeen.
I remember the day that she
Gave me her viriginity
And then she gave it to everyone
In our vicinity.

Oh I can still remember
Julie Tolentino
The dancing Filipino
We used to run around.
Her and Flouncin' Freddy
Were going hot and steady.
Now she runs a dyke bar,
The biggest one in town.

I can still remember my
Old friend Todd Squelati
I watching him snort a
Milkshake right up his nose.
He slurped it up the left side.
Blew it out the right side.
How he ever kept it down,
I will never know.

Of course I still remember
Ol Flouncin' Freddy
We were pumping gas
Down at El Sobrante Shell
His Mustang was his pride n' joy
He liked to dance the cowboy,
Hanging out at Jack In the Box
But eat at Taco Bell.

Nothing worse than a bunch of bright people in the bloom of youth who are absolutely unengaged. I'm full of margarita. goodnightgoodnight.

An interesting article on virginity, snitched from Anne a while back. Get past the initial YM confessional, it it's really good commentary. Sending to my sister. I highly recommend bitch, anyway. Good stuff.

Why am I out of words today? Me girl, you boy, we feminists. Ug. Paper time.

Some people have to be permanently together
Lovers devoted to each other forever
But now I've got things to do
And I've said before that I know you have too
When I'm not there, in spirit I'll be there

DM

Baby said that she’d always been a dreamer
Baby said that she’d always been a dreamer
She’s always so well received – easy to love and easy to please

Vinnie Dombroski and grimy snarl, New Jersey – no trip hop or indiemo today. A hot sticky macadam rooftop, jim carroll lying on his back in the shade of the next tenement, grit in my teeth and on the back of my neck. Has October always been like this? Opiates would just make me sicker, speed would make red ants crawl down my back, sleep is an appalling thought, nowhere to go. Silent treatment all around, and I’m sorry, but I have nothing to say today. I didn’t really last night either. Wanted to. Thought I might. Think I’ll get a job at the adult video nights, work too hard, keep that schedule full and make sure I can cut off the social life as much as possible. A world in the dark, paying out money getting money paying out money, dealing in papers with office skirts and sex in jeans. I think it would be good for me. Get me to a nunnery, and as long as my debts are paid I’m fulfilled. Something appealing about the empty life I’d lived – a short step from then to a quick way to pay those who claim days of my life from so long ago. Would I be willing to pay it? What’s the exchange rate on sweat and sexuality to viable income/outgo? Better be better than the Canadian dollar or I’m out. Maybe Vinnie’s right, and evil dances to a bossa nova beat. How many do I know who miss the days when the music was as good an escape as the drugs, the beer, the booze, the sex, the closed sale, the mistress, the belt on a snot-nosed child, the steel on skin, the closed fist on jaw? Do they remember closed eyes, hips jerked back by hands that never touched? Waking in unfamiliar rooms all the more naked for drenched clothes and skin? I’ve owned a pair of black underwear since I was eight. I need some innocence. I need a big loan from the girl zone. I need to learn how to want. Keep me away from small children and vulnerable young men today.

My music collection is full of second albums.

I just played this keyboard for an hour, and then hit a wrong key and lost it all. I'm going to walk in the wind and rain for a little while. This is too much. There was so much more, just like there always is - and it comes to nothing every time.