2003-10-10

In honor of the most recent blueroses posts:

jew beanies

ahem.
I'm going to go listen to Julianna Hatfield and cry over my bottle of wine. No, really.

Edit: nevermind! it's vodka's 500th birthday. That was an easy decision.

2003-10-08

"Are God and Nature then at strife,
That Nature lends such evil dreams?
So careful of the type she seems,
So careless of the single life; . . .

So careful of the type?" but no.
From scarped cliff and quarried stone
She cries, "A thousand types are gone:
I care for nothing, all shall go.

"Thou makest thine appeal to me:
I bring to life, I bring to death:
The spirit does but mean the breath:
I know no more." And he, shall he,

Man, her last work, who seem'd so fair,
Such splendid purpose in his eyes,
Who roll'd the psalm to wintry skies,
Who built him fanes of fruitless prayer,

Who trusted God was love indeed
And love Creation's final law --
Tho' Nature, red in tooth and claw
With ravine, shriek'd against his creed --

Who loved, who suffer'd countless ills,
Who battled for the True, the Just,
Be blown about the desert dust,
Or seal'd within the iron hills?

No more? A monster then, a dream,
A discord. Dragons of the prime,
That tare each other in their slime,
Were mellow music match'd with him.

O life as futile, then, as frail!
O for thy voice to soothe and bless!
What hope of answer, or redress?
Behind the veil, behind the veil."

-from parts LV and LVI, "In Memorium: A. H. H.", Alfred Tennyson, 1850.

I'm done with the goddamned Hobbes. Jesus.

2003-10-07

I admire your self-restraint.
Borges at the Northside Rotary



If in the following pages there is some successful verse or other,
may the reader forgive me the audacity
of having written it before him.
—Jorge Luis Borges, foreword to his first book of poems



After they go to the podium and turn in their Happy Bucks
and recite the Pledge of Allegiance
and the Four Truths ("Is it the Truth?
Is it fair to all concerned? Will it build goodwill
and better friendships? Will it be beneficial
to all concerned?"), I get up to read my poetry,

and when I'm finished, one Rotarian expresses
understandable confusion at exactly what it is
I'm doing and wants to know what poetry is, exactly,
so I tell him that when most non-poets think
of the word "poetry," they think of "lyric poetry,"
not "narrative poetry," whereas what I'm doing

is "narrative poetry" of the kind performed
by, not that I am in any way comparing myself
to them, Homer, Dante, and Milton,
and he's liking this, he's smiling and nodding,
and when I finish my little speech,
he shouts, "Thank you, Doctor! Thank you

for educating us!" And for the purposes
of this poem, he will be known hereafter
as the Nice Rotarian. But now while I was reading,
there was this other Rotarian who kept talking
all the time, just jacked his jaw right through
the poet's presentations of some of the finest

vers libre available to today's listening audience,
and he shall be known hereafter as the Loud Rotarian.
Nice Rotarian, Loud Rotarian: it's kind of like Good Cop,
Bad Cop or God the Father, Mary the Mother.
Buy Low, Sell High. Win Some, Lose Some.
Comme Ci, Comme Ça. Half Empty, Half Full.

But in a sense the Loud Rotarian was the honest one;
he didn't like my poetry and said so—not in so many words,
but in the words he used to his tablemates
as he spoke of his golf game or theirs
or the weather or the market or, most likely,
some good deed that he was the spearchucker on,

the poobah, the mucky-muck, the head honcho,
for one thing I learned very quickly
was that Rotarians are absolutely nuts
over good deeds and send doctors to Africa
and take handicapped kids on fishing trips
and just generally either do all sorts of hands-on

projects themselves or else raise a ton of money
so they can get somebody else to do it for them,
whereas virtually every poet I know, myself included,
spends his time either trying to get a line right
or else feeling sorry for himself and maybe writing a check
once a year to the United Way if the United Way's lucky.

The Nice Rotarian was probably just agreeing with me,
just swapping the geese and fish of his words
for the bright mirrors and pretty beads of mine,
for how queer it is to be understood by someone
on the subject of anything, given that,
as Norman O. Brown says, the meaning of things

is not in the things themselves but between them,
as it surely was that time those kids scared us so bad
in Paris: Barbara and I had got on the wrong train, see,
and when it stopped, it wasn't at the station
two blocks from our apartment but one
that was twenty miles outside of the city,

and we looked for someone to tell us how
to get back, but the trains had pretty much stopped
for the evening, and then out of the dark
swaggered four Tunisian teenagers,
and as three of them circled us, the fourth
stepped up and asked the universal icebreaker,

i. e., Q.: Do you have a cigarette?
A.: Non, je ne fume pas.
Q.: You're not French, are you?
A.: Non, je suis américain. Q.: From New York?
A.: Non, Florida. Q.: Miami?
A.: Non, une petite ville qui s'appelle Tallahassee

dans le nord de. . . . And here the Tunisian kid
mimes a quarterback passing and says, Ah,
l'université avec la bonne équipe de futbol!
He was a fan of FSU sports, of all things,
so we talked football for a while, and then
he told us where to go for the last train.

Change one little thing in my life or theirs
and they or I could have been either the Loud Rotarian
or the Nice one, and so I say to Rotarians everywhere,
please forgive me,
my brothers, for what I have done to you
and to myself as well,

for circumstances so influence us
that it is more an accident
than anything else that you are listening to me
and not the other way around,
and therefore I beg your forgiveness, my friends,
if I wrote this poem before you did.


-- David Kirby
people with whom I spend my day

The cute blonde head in the upper right is Gavriel, who tells me every day how old he is in years and months and days (4, 7, and 19 so far).

Eretz Ha'chaim (on the radio/in the paper)
The leaves are falling back east

don't change your plans - Ben Folds Five

Sometimes I get the feeling
That I won't be on this planet for very long
I really like it here
I'm quite attached to it - I hope I'm wrong

All I really want to say
Is you're the reason I wanna stay
I loved you before I met you
And I met you just in time
'cause there was nothing left

I sat here on my suitcase
In our empty new apartment
Until the sun went down
Then I walked back down the stairs
With all my bags and drove away
You must be freaking out

All I know is I've gotta be
Where my heart says I oughta be
It often makes no sense
In fact, I never understand these things I feel

Don't change your plans for me
I won't move to LA
The leaves are falling back east
That's where I'm gonna stay

You have made me smile again
In fact, I might be sore from it
It's been a while
I know we've been together many times before
I'll see you on the other side

All I really wanna say
Is you're the reason I wanna stay
But destiny is calling and won't hold
And when my time is up I'm outta here

All I know is I've gotta be
Where my heart says I oughta be
It often makes no sense
In fact, I never understand these things I feel

I love you, goodbye

2003-10-05

A Certain Man

unpublished self-observational poem from
The Lives of Jean Toomer

A certain man wishes to be a prince
Of this earth; he also wants to be
A saint and master of the being-world.
Conscience cannot exist in the first:
The second cannot exist without conscience.
Therefore he, who has enough conscience
To be disturbed but not enough to be
Compelled, can neither reject the one
Nor follow the other . . .