This while in the bath pulling a Margot, adjusting taps with my toes. 15 or 35 and pathetic in the classical sense.

                     &stop

I want to be silent. Shave off my hair my eyebrows bleach my eyelashes clean my teeth strip my clothing cut my nails and toenails scrub my skin and breathe. In. stop.        out          stop
can’t even shut the fuck up. I write about silence what is WRONG with me?        still    and    floating in tub of water, white stop then translucent stop then gauze-as-skin, rent in places, showing edges. First time looking down and seeing too much, larger burgeoning thicker more there than I remembered. Here. Feeling too big for myself, too much. I can feel calories sitting taking residence, uneasy. Not the fat but the muchness that worries. Too many thoughts too much flesh too much blood too much. Not even banging at the door trying to get out, just      here. bloated with memory and halfthought.