So -
Should I spend tonight in a room full of interesting people listening to Salman Rushdie speak at a rare engagement in my city, for free, and in the company of a good friend?
Or,
Should I spend tonight in severe physical and emotional pain, alternately lashing out and curling up in bed, not wanting to move or be around people, violently panicky at the thought of human contact?
Thank you, body, for deciding for me! The challenge was too much. I think it’s a lovely idea. I’ll be off to drive in tunnel vision for an hour, so as to curl up in relative safety and hand implements of destruction over to someone else. Maybe sleep on the floor a little.

All in all, so much better than seeing and listening to someone I enjoy listening to someone I admire. Infinitely preferable to spending time with good people and playing with fantastic ideas for hours. Why would I want to test panic against joy? Who wouldn’t want to spend a few hours doubled over instead?

Fuck this day.

.