listening to: Fiona Apple, Sleep to Dream
Checking out: Kerplooey (sarrah) and Shattering (elegy)

This mind this body and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways/ So don't forget what I told you: don't come around, I've got my own hell to raise..

Unsent; to J.Innes
There was a time, even recently, when I might have said, "Dear J." That time is gone.
It's taken me a long time to forget you, and even longer to remember you without wanting to disappear. Yes, I loved you once. I was fifteen-almost-sixteen, and you were eighteen; I was your princess and you were the philosophical sounding board for my passions and awful early writing. I miss that J, the one I knew.. he was a beautiful boy, a talented and perceptive artist, a gentle soul, a cat in a man's body. Even when we drifted apart, I knew we could stay wrapped up in clouds if only we tried.
The man who came back from the army in your place wasn't the kind of guy who even looked at the clouds unless he was shooting down birds. You murdered the J I knew while he was away, and came back in the body of that boy.. but I knew you weren't my boy anymore. Your new eyes gave you away, and your new knowledge, and your violent hands. I may be able to forgive you, someday, for what you did that night, for the way you hurt me. I might be strong and whole enough someday to forgive you for leaving me bleeding and broken and dead in that corner of the street, for telling me what you did, for giving me such lovely parting gifts: fear, nightmares, headaches, scars.

But I will never, ever forget.