Damnit! This didn't register as a post last night. Here it is, in honor of the high feast day of Pope Gregorious Constantinus LXIX - back at you, kiddo.

Are you tired of all those sissy, mushy "Friendship" words that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship!

1. When you are sad, ...I will get you drunk and will help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue, ...I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you are scared, ...I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

4. When you are worried, ...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

5. When you are confused, ...I will use simple little words to explain.

6. When you are sick, ...stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.

7. When you fall, ...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.