He waited for the mask to drop off, but at the same time he did not question her right to wear it.
-- Fitzgerald

Jesus.

I Was With Her Long Enough To Change Brands Of Cigarettes


We had a bottle of wine and a pint of rum
before we went into the fair.
It started with a kiss on the ferris wheel.
I didn't know that actually happened until then.
One of my favorite days of all time...

Six months later
I gave her money she referred to as "fetus money."
We were long over as a romantic couple.
That day she listed why she hated me.

I had told her I was sorry and said so again
but those words can't take away a clumsy fuck.

The way she talked to me
it sounded like her mistakes
never hurt anyone but herself.
My mistakes have bad aim
and always seem to hit those near me.

She looked so young
I felt so old
I had driven another away
or she'd changed
or vice versa
whatever it was
it was done
and I was tired of looking.


-- Bucky Sinister
from The Outlaw Bible Of American Poetry

and then Carrie spoke and I did that half-grin. And then laughed, once, shortly. There they are behind my eyes and nose, an hour of sobbing self-knowledge blunt and honest and completely useless as I will do nothing with it and continue to reminisce about cigarettes and coffee as an acceptable substitute for diet and exercise. And and and. Two little girls.